This was our dream home.We built it more than eight  years ago, after leaving a smaller initial home  that we built 13 years ago.

That first home was the home of our new marriage.   My soul sister and I blended our lives  with my husband as a new “trio”.Then we welcomed my parents to live full time with us. It was also the place we said goodbye to my lahsa-poo of 14 years, Hector Flynn(Hecky) and both of my husband’s dogs, Dodger and Jiggles.It was a wonderful space that provided a new home for us in a new state.

When we left that home, we had this one to come to.This home was much larger, two floors, plenty of privacy,and a place where we chose to live life to the fullest.

Leaving any place has never been easy for me.I attach easily to all beings.I learned so much here in this home.Too much to put into a simple blog, but suffice it to say, I gained more insight about myself  than in 30 years of practicing therapy .

As I have been sorting what I packed away in my closets, I discovered the picture of this house, the day we received the CO, certificate of occupancy.We all were wearing those yellow “hard hats”.The house had no plantings in front of it yet.We all looked so excited at the prospect of our future here in this palace.

Now we complete this chapter, and we are conscious of our thoughts and feelings of letting go.Fifty percent of what we held onto will be sold or given away.We are downsizing and that requires of us to embrace  the “less is always better” philosophy,when it comes to possessions.We will move to a lovely new location in town.What I know is something I learned from  my dad’s parting 3 years ago, and the parting of my soul sister’s parents,  three months later;it’s not “what” we leave but “how ” we leave that matters.We leave celebrating the blessing of these times and looking forward to making time for what matters.

Here’s to the young couple, the new owners, whose dreams will unfurl here .May the love we shared bless all who enter.

Memories Are Beautiful Things to Keep

We are  coming to the last month of staying in this home.After 8 years of being here in the “dream home” we built,we feel the attachment to this place quite keenly.Many memories were created here and this was the last home where my dad lived before making his transition.So for me moving on from here  is  especially poignant .

In the scheme of things we go about our business everyday and hope to be as present as we can to each moment,but  in these transition moments everything seems to have meaning.

It isn’t a coincidence that my cousin Phil, a pastor and  minister of healing from Georgia, came to visist us for three days this past week.

Phil has an uncanny resemblance to my dad and ways of being like my dad  that caused me to breathe and pause many times during his visit.It’s as if my heart was soaking in:”Remember, I am with you always”.I once remember saying, “wouldn’t it be great if those we loved and who have made their transition could come back in the physical form on their anniversary date?”This visit was reminiscent of the story of Emmaus, where the disciples of   Jesus felt a burning in their hearts at the breaking of the bread, and “knew” the Presence of God was within and among them.

My cousin left this morning,and soon we  also will leave this property.We have blessed it for the new young couple that will fill it with a new young family.I can just imagine the sound of children running up and down these stairs and everyone experiencing such joy they can barely contain themselves!

As for us, our moving on days are here. We, like the nautilus shell that creates new chambers as it moves “out of its shell”, we’ll take with us only what can fit in our downsized home, wherever that will be, as we continue to live our legacy well.And like many boomers, we’ll cherish in our hearts the memories we have created which will warm us all the days of our lives.

In days gone by, at our Long Island counseling center I remember attending a training by a therapist on addiction and shame.

He, as did John Bradshaw, the  author of many books on guilt and shame, defined shame as “not feeling good enough”.

So shame seemed intimately connected to who we were not to  what we did.

Later, I  learned in a workshop on healing family roots, how shame can be passed along to us;translating: someone else’s “not good enough” can influence the next generation.

While none of this is news to many people, what may be news is that according to Kevin Costner, Whitney grappled with not feeling good enough, and never was it more apparent than when she did her screen test for the movie, Bodyguard.

It seems that she had her hair and makeup ready when she was about to go on stage for that screen test.Kevin had visted her to encourage her and she asked him if she could have time alone before joining him.Later, he discovered when the lights began to melt her makeup, that she had put on additional makeup  like the cake makeup that was used for her singing debuts, hence the melting.When asked why she did that, she is reported to have shared how she really wanted them to like her, and how important it was for her to be “good enough”.

He stated something like” the challenge of that fame became the obstacle that claimed her life”.

Throughout my years as a counselor and spiritual guide, I witnessed how so many of us grapple with thoughts and feelings of not enoughness, shame.

Many of our 12 step clients referred to their addiction  as “the disease”.Many of those were the bravest of the brave, having faced their shame have gone on to enhance lives.Today,  we recognize what the Bishop, who was her producer of the movie Sparkle said, “death has not won, because love conquers death” . We are urged to love ourselves MORE , to think loving thoughts MORE OFTEN, to heal those places within that feel less than NOW.With each of us doing more of that and helping others do the same, we can transform our lives , our families, our community and  ultimately our world.

What is an affirmation you recommend to counter  ” not enoughness”  and live a legacy of love in our world?

I knew I had to see this movie on the big screen,and now I know why.

The message was larger than life.

Steven Spielberg masterfully communicates through landscapes the richness of our inner world, and if one really looks at this “warhorse” one cannot escape the symbols there for us .

I hadn’t recognized myself in the energy and story of the horse at the beginning of the movie, but by the time, he was separated from his master,my Spirit engaged in a way that I knew,this story was not only his story but also mine.

It’s when the enemies of war cane together on his behalf that I observed how this animal had brought those parts of us at war within to come together for the good of another.

Not wanting to give away the scenes more specifically to those of you yet to see the movie, let it suffice for now to say,as to the legacy of love and being love, we never lose what we love ,not if we look within and as did this horse follow the “call”.

I welcome your feedback.Long live on the “warhorse in all of us”!

As an example, this week, while working at my desk with my wellness and wedding companies I felt this nose nudge my knee,as a sign of   my dog’s insistance that I make more time to play with her, I stopped,and did just that. In fact, I liked taking time out to play with her so much that I did it again that afternoon.

Today, I made time to return some gifts to retail stores in the area.Instead of waiting until the weekend or “after work”, I did that in the afternoon.I did not feel guilty, in fact, I liked that as well.I noticed how the slower pace agreed with me.Making time for what matters blessed me and those around me.

I began at one point to hear the voice of the “boss” inside my head” saying:”how will you accomplish all you need to DO ?” I simply observed that thought , took a deep breath and remembered my morning affirmation:”abundance is all around me and just as the air I breath is in endless supply so is time. I have more than enough time to DO and BE”.

Have you noticed how those experts around us are encouraging us more and more  to search within for answers to the questions of our lives?(Rilke) In order to live those answers we must make time freedom a practice. Are you considering HOW you will do that in 2012?

With the holidays fast approaching, I think of  so many people who like me aren’t “buying into” the hooplah of  buying because”more is better”.It’s not that I plan to boycott Macy’s, and Dillard’s and the like, quite the contrary.I also love shopping online and go first to my favorite online  wellness store for all my candle gifts.

I’m not a bah humbug person by any means, in fact, quite the opposite. I am resolved  however much like the words in Grinch mas by Dr Seuss which I recently saw at Universal, in Orlando, Florida  to remember FIRST that”Christmas is always there in your heart”.

I am observing others when I ask about “the holidays” and notice, that many boomers like me are also resolved to enjoy it quietly.

It’s as if the allure of commercialism has lost its lustre, compared to the brilliance of the Light coming from within.

My husband suggested that we see Christmas as the birth of Higher Consciousness with us.I liked that, although many who believe the nativity story is exactly as it is , nothing symbolic, would be challenged by that suggestion I am sure.

So this year, I set out my manger early , I will only decorate a real tree outside my home , and I still have not bought any gifts for my family,but the manger is calling me to nuture the Spirit of Christmas alive within me, and that begins with being mindful of my energy, and caring for myself as well as others.

And next week, I have put  aside time for one afternoon of  ”shopping”, and  that evening I’ll go to a Unity candle service  to bring even more meaning to that activity and make time for what also matters.

My resolutions begin there what about yours?…May your Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa bless you and yours.

This has been a tender week what with me remembering my dad on the 3rd anniversary of his transition.

I was blessed  to have a bond with my dad that was strong and a faith that allows that bond to continue in its new form.

However, the human being I am recognizes that  especially on these “anniversaries” , I reflect upon all the blessings of that bond and continues to search for ways to express the legacy of hope my dad lived on this planet.

About 2 weeks ago, I was sitting for coffee with two business colleagues and one was preparing for his daughter’s wedding which is today.Both the men have 29year young daughters and when asked “what was the most important contribution they made in their lifetime”, they both agreed it was their daughters.One said;” I would do anything for her”.The other “knew” what that meant.They were passing on their legacy as did my dad to me.

For a minute I was stepping back in time and remembering the day my dad brought a yellow cadillac convertible to my college so I could ride in the Miss URI parade.I knew my dad always carried a picture of me in his wallet and he would often share that picture and  say”see my daughter”.In his eyes, I could see my hope for success.As an entrepreneur I miss that energy he mirrored for me, as a daughter, I know how blessed I am to have had  that level of devotion on this planet.

Last night we received news that the owner of a  billion dollar wellness company for which I market lost his middle son.

The loss was sudden and tragic.I thought how incredibly hard this would be for him.He was also leaving his legacy to his son, and now that dream is one that won’t be fulfilled.I have been grateful for the gift of faith as I know that will lift our company’s CEO into the Light of Divine Consolation.

Not everyone has a positive experience of fathering or or being fathered.But for those of us who have, recognizing the legacy our fathers lived is gift, and deciding to do this or something better is  what really matters.

I suggest you use your NEXT card.You might ask, what is that?It is a creative tool that I created , especially for those people who like myself lived many years under the illusion that we gained our value from the response of others.

Enter  a young teen who was struggling with feeling loved because her co -custodial parent seldom called her .

Her mood was determined by whether or not he called.In fact she decided that if she was lovable he would call; therefore she must be unlovable.

While listening to this scenario, I thought of how this relationship could lay the groundwork for future relationships with her future boyfriends, and or as she aged her bosses, whether male or female,or if she is an entrepreneur, her customers, maybe even her spouse!If they would not return her calls or if they did not demonstrate care, she would blame herself and the cycle of devaluing would be perpetuated, perhaps , even passed along to her children…

Contrast that to a conversation between one of my business partners and her daughter. “Who makes you happy?” asked the mom,my business partner.The child responded “I do”.”Who makes you sad?”asked the mom again, “Ido”.”Who is responsible for your happiness?”she asked again of her 5 year old.”I AM”.I gasped, imagine being raised that way!

So in the case of the teen I handed her my now patented super duper NEXT card.I shared that this card gets me into the flow of life and keeps me from getting stuck.I added , “especially in business, when people I call do not return my calls”. I pull out my NEXT card!

“When I moved to this state,  I experienced, for the first time in 20 years of doing business, the phenomenon of  some  people not returning my calls.Where I’m from, we never did that.At times, it got to me. I began to think it was my fault, but then I created the NEXT card.”

I handed her a bright pink magic marker and a 5×8 index card.On the front I asked her to write in huge letters”NEXT”.

Now here is the important question.When someone “disses” you, what is your FIRST thought? In her case, she thought she was unlovable.”Now what is your NEXT thought?”, I asked.She looked puzzled.”Please turn the index card around and at the top write;

‘I AM LOVABLE and it is their problem!’”

Of course, the ultimate next card would say:”what others do is none of my business”,but to me that is NEXT card advanced series.I’ll save that for the next session.

Last week our stepson visited us and we were aware, before his visit, that we wanted this time to be time for what really matters.

My husband and I made time on the days prior to Mark’s visit to set an intention for this week.We really wanted Mark to have a wonderful time and Bob really wanted to make time for he and his son to be alone together and simply catch up.Once a year is far too seldom to be with those you love, but the physical distance  and lifestyles have been a factor and so it is.Texting and phone calls and emails do not replace or compare to the personal touch.

While this visit was fun yet not eventful, it was special;there was a sense of opening for father and son, and I was blessed to observe  some of that.At the end of our visit I wrote a letter expressing my gratitude to Mark for demonstrating such care towards us. His dad inscribed  one of his treasures, a book he wrote that he would like to pass along to his son.

At the end of the visit, I overheard them say” wish we lived closer”, my husband came back inside our home, tears in his eyes. I held my heart as my tears welled up inside.

These are the days and moments that create a legacy for living.What a priviledge to be a  living witness to them.

‘MEET ME IN THE STAIRWELL’

I will be in the stairwell of your final moments.