Imagine for a moment that someone sends you a vibe that causes you to experience some dissonance within your being.Maybe that dissonance resounds with a thought going across the screen of your mind like the ticker tape in the stock market. IT might broadcast a message that your approval rating seems to be going down.What do you do?
I suggest you use your NEXT card.You might ask, what is that?It is a creative tool that I created , especially for those people who like myself lived many years under the illusion that we gained our value from the response of others.
Enter a young teen who was struggling with feeling loved because her co -custodial parent seldom called her .
Her mood was determined by whether or not he called.In fact she decided that if she was lovable he would call; therefore she must be unlovable.
While listening to this scenario, I thought of how this relationship could lay the groundwork for future relationships with her future boyfriends, and or as she aged her bosses, whether male or female,or if she is an entrepreneur, her customers, maybe even her spouse!If they would not return her calls or if they did not demonstrate care, she would blame herself and the cycle of devaluing would be perpetuated, perhaps , even passed along to her children…
Contrast that to a conversation between one of my business partners and her daughter. “Who makes you happy?” asked the mom,my business partner.The child responded “I do”.”Who makes you sad?”asked the mom again, “Ido”.”Who is responsible for your happiness?”she asked again of her 5 year old.”I AM”.I gasped, imagine being raised that way!
So in the case of the teen I handed her my now patented super duper NEXT card.I shared that this card gets me into the flow of life and keeps me from getting stuck.I added , “especially in business, when people I call do not return my calls”. I pull out my NEXT card!
“When I moved to this state, I experienced, for the first time in 20 years of doing business, the phenomenon of some people not returning my calls.Where I’m from, we never did that.At times, it got to me. I began to think it was my fault, but then I created the NEXT card.”
I handed her a bright pink magic marker and a 5×8 index card.On the front I asked her to write in huge letters”NEXT”.
Now here is the important question.When someone “disses” you, what is your FIRST thought? In her case, she thought she was unlovable.”Now what is your NEXT thought?”, I asked.She looked puzzled.”Please turn the index card around and at the top write;
‘I AM LOVABLE and it is their problem!’”
Of course, the ultimate next card would say:”what others do is none of my business”,but to me that is NEXT card advanced series.I’ll save that for the next session.